This is my third or fourth blog, started so I can become familiar with WordPress, but also so that I can have a place where I explain what I am doing / planning on doing with my life and career.
You know how they say that people forget “bad” memories? That’s kind of how I feel about leaving my job. I know that I was unhappy. And I didn’t wake up in the morning excited to get to work. Growing up, I always dreamed about having an important job that inspired me to head to the office. And every Wednesday I was going to leave work early to volunteer somewhere – tutor children, work with the elderly, feed the homeless. Something. I wasn’t doing that. I started doing two volunteer projects – one was to go into classrooms around Boston to teach the students about the importance of saving, bank accounts, credit, etc. It was a really great program and I love teaching and explaining things to people. The second was that I got involved with an organization helping immigrants study for the naturalization exam. I worked with a woman from Sudan who didn’t know how to read or write her native language, Arabic, let alone read or write her broken English. To pass the exam to become an American citizen, she had to prove that she could read and write English and also answer basic questions about American history. It was inspiring to work with her, but also very tiring. I can’t imagine what it would be like to learn how to write for the first time at the age of 38.
While I enjoyed these projects, they didn’t make me feel better about my job. And it’s very sad because I genuinely liked the people I worked with, but (and here is my point) there was something else wrong and now I can’t remember what was wrong. I was incredibly unhappy. But why? People have asked me and all I can say is, “it was time for a change.” Which is true. I need to be motivated, excited, inspired and I can’t remember the last time I have felt any of that with great depth.
In high school I was heavily involved in Key Club – a volunteer organization sponsored by Kiwanis. I held a position in my home club and also at the District level. I volunteered nearly 200 hours every year – I organized and participated in dozens of projects including a senior prom at the nursing home, volunteering at the Children’s Museum, bake sales, car washes, telethons, etc. I was so involved in the community and helping others. When I went away to college I wanted to continue that so I got involved in Circle K – the collegiate version of Kiwanis. I became an officer the first year and started to help organize projects. While Vice President, my marketing doubled the organization’s attendance. I volunteered at blood drives, fed the homeless, helped clean up Boston, etc. I was busy and I enjoying it.
All of this changed when I moved to France as part of my degree. 1) I didn’t speak French very well at the time, so if I couldn’t really volunteer and 2) even if I had spoke French, there aren’t really any volunteer organizations in France. So I didn’t. And I don’t think I even thought about it – life was so different in France. Different, but still great. I loved it.
When I moved back to the US, I don’t remember thinking about volunteering again. I went back to a Circle K meeting or two, but the location and times were inconvenient to where I lived. It never occurred to me to try and get involved in some other way – I had a new job with a 3 hour round trip commute and at night I was exhausted. I also hated my job from the first day and I was in no mood to try and help others. I didn’t stay there long and I left to join the company where I worked for 4 years. I had worked there before moving to France, so it was great to go back and see old friends and co-workers. I fit in immediately and I was able to make a difference right away. And so I worked a lot. And again, I enjoyed it. But I wasn’t doing anything to help others and I think I missed this.
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Spaceygrl's Search for the Meaning of Life 